Sizzology » Bacon Technology

Classic Bacon: The Wake ‘n’ Bacon Alarm Clock (that cooks your bacon while you sleep)

Joe — Thu, 06 May 2010 15:30:40 +0000

How many times in life do you get to say the words: “it cooks my bacon while I sleep”? Unless you have some sort of awesome bacon-optimizied robot, not many.

Enter the Wake ‘n’ Bacon Alarm Clock. Sure, this link has been passed around the internet more than any semi-self-respecting high-school slut, and, yes, that’s what makes it Classic Internet Bacon.

This is Bacon Technology Done Right. Witness this quote:

No one likes to wake up, especially by an alarm. This clock gently wakes you up with the mouthwatering aroma of bacon, just like waking up on a Sunday morning to the smell of Mom cooking breakfast. Unless you’re Jewish.

Notice the lack of fluffy language, the subtle semitic humor? Okay, that “Unless you’re Jewish” joke is something you hear a lot in bacon circles, and we here at sizzology cannot support such language, but you get what we’re talking about. These Wake ‘N’ Bacon people get it.

Could 2009 be the year bacon furniture becomes hip?

Joe — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 22:39:29 +0000

Bacon Lamp says “All signs point to yes.”

(thanks, @pasties!)

Bacon Robots: This is not a funny web site.

Joe — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 02:38:58 +0000

I found Bacon Robots when searching for bacon -francis on Google. Thought it might be cool. Maybe I don’t have the right sense of humor, or maybe I don’t like getting teased with obviously false lines like “because the only thing better than bacon is a hot animatronic lady to cook it for you.” If they were providing these robots that’s one thing. But they’re not. The site’s a joke. There are no real bacon-cooking robots of any kind for sale here. I was going to ask you, dear reader, to put a hot bacon-cooking robot in my stocking next month. Now I’m just going to say “don’t bother with the Bacon Robots.”

Update 10 minutes later: What’s up, bacon-hater?

Okay, so maybe there was a little too much hate in that last paragraph. People worked hard on BaconRobots.com . Their friends laughed when the site launched. I mean, our friends laughed at the Obama Bacon Man music video when it came out. I think. So, all that hate, I take back. It’s back inside me, wadded up somewhere deep/dark. Here’s to the Bacon Robots of the future, and may that future be closer than we think.

Bacon. Gumballs. Whatttttt.

Joe — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 02:45:35 +0000

I don’t know anything about the history of bacon-flavored gum, or gumballs, but I can imagine this would be pretty hilarious to give to someone who didn’t know they were bacon-flavored. Guess that would be a bacon-litmus test.

The Bacon Gumballs go for $3.49, which includes a fancy tin and 22 pieces of gum.

The Bacon Iphone Case

Joe — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:19:19 +0000

Looks like there are only three of these bacon iphone cases left. 25 euros. Make that two.

(via Gizmodo)

The Bacon Briefcase

Joe — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 23:29:08 +0000

In case you haven’t seen this piece of bacon-art before, I give you: The Bacon Briefcase

Is this or is this not a bacon tampon?

Joe — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 08:00:00 +0000

You tell me: Bacon Tampon, or not a bacon tampon?

(via Bacon Reddit, via FutureGirl)

Got GarageBand? You can remix or re-record your own Bacon Man song.

Joe — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 19:56:00 +0000

Bacon is versatile. So is the Bacon Man song. You can sing the chorus to the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” you can swap out the words (“James Bond he’s a spy / ‘s got an airplane he can fly / If you see him you will die / James Bond is a spy”), and, if you’ve got GarageBand and some time on your hands, you can do whatever you want with the Bacon Man song.

Here’s a link to the new, working zip file archive of the Bacon Man GarageBand file. It’s pretty big (59MB), and it’s free for you. We’re releasing this under the most liberal Creative Commons license, which means if you do anything with this all you have to do is say you got it from us here at the Bacon Lobby. And, heck, let us know when you do, and we’ll post a link to your work here.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.

…while on the topic of awesome food that is wrapped in bacon:

Joe — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 15:56:15 +0000

I give you Everything Is Better Wrapped in Bacon, a collation of bacon-oriented recipes that involve tasty food getting wrapped in tasty tasty bacon, coming from the tasty people behind Divine Caroline.

They’ve got bacon-wrapped tofu. Bacon-wrapped oysters. Bacon-wrapped eggs (how’d the do that?). Bacon-wrapped corn-dogs. Bacon-wrapped bacon. Bacon-wrapped cinnamon rolls (how delicious is that?). And my favorite, bacon-wrapped turkey.

Thanks Jeffrey

Filed under “knocking it before I try it” … microwaveable wowbacon, really?

Joe — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 01:52:43 +0000

Are you lazy? I mean, lazier than lazy? Super defunct lazy? Because I know lazy, and you’ve gotta be Led Zepplin-level lazy to think that putting bacon in a microwave’s an acceptable way to cook that bacon.

If you are that lazy, you’re not alone. Your laziness has won the attention, and, the invention of WowBacon: some cheapo plastic stick-it-in-your-microwave excuse for a frying pan. It’s only $20 — that is, $27 with shipping and handling.

I see that microwaveable bacon in the grocery store, and I don’t like it. I see this microwave-your-bacon product, and I smell fish. Here’s what WowBacon says about WowBacon: “Its ability to let you easily and quickly make only as much freshly-broiled bacon as you want, on the spur of the moment and without the usual mess, is a convenience offered by none other.”

Did you notice the catch-word? Take a look again. It’s broiled. WTF. Yeah, I want my bacon broiled. Yeah right. Yeah, I want my bacon cooked in something resembling a water pitcher:

Yeah right.

You know the phrase “Don’t knock it ’til you try it”? Yeah, yeah, I’m knocking it. And I haven’t tried it. But know what? The ball is in BaconWow’s court. I took a look through their web site and found absolutely no proof, words, or anything else describing how WowBacon stands up to pan-fried bacon. Yeah, that’s fishy. Sure, WowBacon has bullet points describing how they compare to pre-cooked bacon … yes, they’re comparing themselves pre-cooked bacon. WowBacon is the Fail Bacon.